Tag: communication



Relationships are essential to learning. Kids connect more to learning when they feel more connection to their teacher. A great classroom environment begins by building great relationships. 



So how do you build great relationships with your students? Here are 5 tips I promise will make your relationships stronger. 



What if everyone in your school tried to get a little better at these five things every day? Wow! That would be an amazing school culture.



1. Connect with your students.



Learn your students’ names…on the first day. Greet them at the door. Make eye contact. Smile. Ask them questions. Ask them their opinion about a movie or type of music or your teaching. Joke with them. Offer fist bumps and high fives. Know at least two things about each student that have nothing to do with school. 



2. Invest in your students.



Believe in your students. Look for opportunities to affirm their strengths. Build them up. Show your approval. You will have far more influence if they know you’re in their corner. Plant seeds in their mind of the great things they will do in their future. Treat them like future world changers. “You’re going places. You’re going to do great things.” Then point out how their incredible strengths will take them far.



3. Personalize learning for your students.



Meet students where they are. Get to know their passions and look for opportunities to connect learning to those interests. Provide experiences that allow individual strengths and personality to shine. Place responsibility on your students and let them know you trust them. Never teach down to your students. Teach them in ways that empower them as learners. 

  • How often do your students have input on how they will learn?
  • How often do your students have input on what they will learn?
  • Are your students given opportunities to lead conversations?
  • Are your classroom goals developed by the teacher alone or in partnership with students?
  • Do your students have some time to pursue their own goals?
  • How often do you ask your students for feedback on their experience in your classroom?



4. Give time and attention to your students.



Notice when a student is having a bad day. Offer encouragement. Make eye contact. Stop and really listen. There are so many people and things clamoring for your attention. To give your attention to something is an amazing gift. Too often we make our plans a higher priority than our purpose. Our purpose might be to connect with our students, but what about our plans for today? Can we let go of those for a couple of minutes?



You can also give time and attention by making that positive phone call home, writing that note of encouragement, or attending that ballgame or concert after school.



5. Forgive your students.



Every kid deserves a fresh start in your classroom every day. Time spent holding onto yesterday means less time moving forward today. Forgiveness protects the relationship. It allows you to set aside those frustrating moments with a kid and believe today can be better. It’s part of being able to enjoy your students…all of them. They’re kids and they’re not always going to show up well in your classroom. If you enjoy them and take delight in them, even with their imperfections, you’ll feel better about yourself and enjoy teaching far more.



I think we can all continue to grow in our ability to build stronger relationships. What ideas do you have for building relationships in your classroom or school? How will you grow stronger in this area? Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter. I look forward to hearing from you.

Read More 5 Tips for Building Great Relationships with Students



Relationships are essential to learning. Kids connect more to learning when they feel more connection to their teacher. A great classroom environment begins by building great relationships. 



So how do you build great relationships with your students? Here are 5 tips I promise will make your relationships stronger. 



What if everyone in your school tried to get a little better at these five things every day? Wow! That would be an amazing school culture.



1. Connect with your students.



Learn your students’ names…on the first day. Greet them at the door. Make eye contact. Smile. Ask them questions. Ask them their opinion about a movie or type of music or your teaching. Joke with them. Offer fist bumps and high fives. Know at least two things about each student that have nothing to do with school. 



2. Invest in your students.



Believe in your students. Look for opportunities to affirm their strengths. Build them up. Show your approval. You will have far more influence if they know you’re in their corner. Plant seeds in their mind of the great things they will do in their future. Treat them like future world changers. “You’re going places. You’re going to do great things.” Then point out how their incredible strengths will take them far.



3. Personalize learning for your students.



Meet students where they are. Get to know their passions and look for opportunities to connect learning to those interests. Provide experiences that allow individual strengths and personality to shine. Place responsibility on your students and let them know you trust them. Never teach down to your students. Teach them in ways that empower them as learners. 

  • How often do your students have input on how they will learn?
  • How often do your students have input on what they will learn?
  • Are your students given opportunities to lead conversations?
  • Are your classroom goals developed by the teacher alone or in partnership with students?
  • Do your students have some time to pursue their own goals?
  • How often do you ask your students for feedback on their experience in your classroom?



4. Give time and attention to your students.



Notice when a student is having a bad day. Offer encouragement. Make eye contact. Stop and really listen. There are so many people and things clamoring for your attention. To give your attention to something is an amazing gift. Too often we make our plans a higher priority than our purpose. Our purpose might be to connect with our students, but what about our plans for today? Can we let go of those for a couple of minutes?



You can also give time and attention by making that positive phone call home, writing that note of encouragement, or attending that ballgame or concert after school.



5. Forgive your students.



Every kid deserves a fresh start in your classroom every day. Time spent holding onto yesterday means less time moving forward today. Forgiveness protects the relationship. It allows you to set aside those frustrating moments with a kid and believe today can be better. It’s part of being able to enjoy your students…all of them. They’re kids and they’re not always going to show up well in your classroom. If you enjoy them and take delight in them, even with their imperfections, you’ll feel better about yourself and enjoy teaching far more.



I think we can all continue to grow in our ability to build stronger relationships. What ideas do you have for building relationships in your classroom or school? How will you grow stronger in this area? Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter. I look forward to hearing from you.

      

Read More 5 Tips for Building Great Relationships with Students



Relationships are essential to learning. Kids connect more to learning when they feel more connection to their teacher. A great classroom environment begins by building great relationships. 



So how do you build great relationships with your students? Here are 5 tips I promise will make your relationships stronger. 



What if everyone in your school tried to get a little better at these five things every day? Wow! That would be an amazing school culture.



1. Connect with your students.



Learn your students’ names…on the first day. Greet them at the door. Make eye contact. Smile. Ask them questions. Ask them their opinion about a movie or type of music or your teaching. Joke with them. Offer fist bumps and high fives. Know at least two things about each student that have nothing to do with school. 



2. Invest in your students.



Believe in your students. Look for opportunities to affirm their strengths. Build them up. Show your approval. You will have far more influence if they know you’re in their corner. Plant seeds in their mind of the great things they will do in their future. Treat them like future world changers. “You’re going places. You’re going to do great things.” Then point out how their incredible strengths will take them far.



3. Personalize learning for your students.



Meet students where they are. Get to know their passions and look for opportunities to connect learning to those interests. Provide experiences that allow individual strengths and personality to shine. Place responsibility on your students and let them know you trust them. Never teach down to your students. Teach them in ways that empower them as learners. 

  • How often do your students have input on how they will learn?
  • How often do your students have input on what they will learn?
  • Are your students given opportunities to lead conversations?
  • Are your classroom goals developed by the teacher alone or in partnership with students?
  • Do your students have some time to pursue their own goals?
  • How often do you ask your students for feedback on their experience in your classroom?



4. Give time and attention to your students.



Notice when a student is having a bad day. Offer encouragement. Make eye contact. Stop and really listen. There are so many people and things clamoring for your attention. To give your attention to something is an amazing gift. Too often we make our plans a higher priority than our purpose. Our purpose might be to connect with our students, but what about our plans for today? Can we let go of those for a couple of minutes?



You can also give time and attention by making that positive phone call home, writing that note of encouragement, or attending that ballgame or concert after school.



5. Forgive your students.



Every kid deserves a fresh start in your classroom every day. Time spent holding onto yesterday means less time moving forward today. Forgiveness protects the relationship. It allows you to set aside those frustrating moments with a kid and believe today can be better. It’s part of being able to enjoy your students…all of them. They’re kids and they’re not always going to show up well in your classroom. If you enjoy them and take delight in them, even with their imperfections, you’ll feel better about yourself and enjoy teaching far more.



I think we can all continue to grow in our ability to build stronger relationships. What ideas do you have for building relationships in your classroom or school? How will you grow stronger in this area? Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter. I look forward to hearing from you.

      

Read More 5 Tips for Building Great Relationships with Students





There’s been some push back recently on Twitter against the whole idea of positive attitude as a good thing. It gave me some things to think about, because in general, I’ve found a positive mindset to be a source of strength in my life. I’ve even written several posts about positive thinking, including this one:

10 Thoughts On Positive Attitude to Share With Your Team

A positive school is built on positive moments. It doesn’t just happen by accident. Every interaction counts. It takes a concerted effort on the part of everyone to create an environment that is awesome. So what are some things everyone should know to be more positive in their own mindset and help contribute to that positive environment we all want?

How could someone not be in favor of having a positive outlook? I was curious and a little puzzled by some of the responses I’ve seen to the idea of having a positive attitude. I wanted to know more.



So here are some of the arguments I’ve seen. Keep in mind I’m doing my best to synthesize, so if you’re in the anti-positive thinking camp, let me know if I’m missing the point.



1. Calls for a positive attitude are one way the dominant culture silences critics and those with opposing viewpoints. By asking me to have a positive attitude, you are refusing to acknowledge my experience and my suffering. I’m not allowed to speak my mind or share my experience without being labeled a negative person.



2. Positive thinking is not the solution to mental health issues. To the contrary, it’s part of the mental health crisis. It’s no longer okay to feel negative emotions like sadness, fear, isolation, hopelessness, or anger. If you feel those emotions, you’re not being positive, and that’s not okay.  The pressure to feel positive all the time is too much, and so when I don’t, I feel further devalued and unable to measure up.



3. Sharing positive thoughts is empty of meaning. It’s not doing the real work of challenging injustice or working to understand those who are oppressed or those who are suffering. Instead of sharing something “positive,” share something that demands justice or calls out oppressive forces. In other words, raise some hell to demand change. That’s doing something positive.



I think those are some really good reasons to push back against positive thinking, if you define and understand being positive in a certain way. I think there are some nuances to the idea of being positive that are important for the idea to work, otherwise it’s just a thought that we should all be happy all the time, and that’s just not helpful.



Here’s how I would respond to the three concerns about positive thinking.



1. Being positive doesn’t mean everyone has to be agreeable and have the same opinions. But it does mean we express our opinions in ways that are productive and helpful. In a school, leaders need to encourage productive conflict and invite critical dialogue. I want people around me to push my thinking and challenge my ideas. That’s how we get better. 



But I’m guessing…in some cases, leaders are silencing voices who are simply expressing a different viewpoint and using positive attitude as the reason. Either you agree with me or you obviously don’t have a positive attitude? It’s one or the other. That type of thinking is not effective.



2. Being positive doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. I think believing you should be happy all the time does result in complications to mental health. We need to feel all our feelings, the positive and negative ones. The truth is none of our feeling are truly negative. They’re not bad. They’re just feelings. They come and go. And as humans, all of them are legitimate. Being positive is the ability to experience the array of human emotions and respond to them in ways that are helpful. 



In response to every emotion, we have the choice in what we do with it. How do we hold that emotion in our mind and how do we think about it? Do we listen to what our emotions tell us and let them take us down whatever path they choose? Or, do we choose the path for our emotions? Do we point them in a direction we want them to go? We’re not repressing them or denying them. It’s important to fully acknowledge how we feel, but then choose to use that emotion as fuel to go in some positive direction in life. I’m going to use this pain or sorrow for good in this certain way.



Of course, this is always a process. There are times I do not handle my emotions in productive ways. And that results in strain on my relationships or sticky situations as a leader. I’ve often had to apologize for times I allowed my emotions to choose the path.



3. Sharing positive thoughts are empty of meaning if they are empty of meaning. But they don’t have to be. In fact, the person who can communicate difficult, hard truths in a positive way is a wise person. There is wisdom and strength in communicating a difficult message in a way that doesn’t offend or alienate. That’s making an effort to have dialogue and not a shouting match. I see no benefit to a shouting match. Neither side is really listening. Nothing productive is resulting from this exchange.



And yet, that is how most people seem to be handling conversations these days in regard to our most pressing issues. It’s evident all over social media. There is no dialogue. There is no civility. Each side hurls insults, snide remarks, insulting labels, and believes they have the moral high ground. Our way is the right way!!!



It makes me sad when I see educators fall into this same type of behavior. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed more destructive posts like this recently from educators. We have an obligation to set a good example for our students every day in our classrooms, and also on social media. We have an obligation to do our very best, all the time, to be respectful and positive with our words and actions.



At the same time, it’s never okay to silence an opposing viewpoint on the grounds that the person needs to be positive. It’s okay to ask someone to communicate respectfully. But it’s not okay to silence someone who disagrees.



Let me know your thoughts on all of this. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter. I always enjoy hearing from you.

Read More Is Positivity an Excuse for Silencing Opposing Viewpoints?





There’s been some push back recently on Twitter against the whole idea of positive attitude as a good thing. It gave me some things to think about, because in general, I’ve found a positive mindset to be a source of strength in my life. I’ve even written several posts about positive thinking, including this one:

10 Thoughts On Positive Attitude to Share With Your Team

A positive school is built on positive moments. It doesn’t just happen by accident. Every interaction counts. It takes a concerted effort on the part of everyone to create an environment that is awesome. So what are some things everyone should know to be more positive in their own mindset and help contribute to that positive environment we all want?

How could someone not be in favor of having a positive outlook? I was curious and a little puzzled by some of the responses I’ve seen to the idea of having a positive attitude. I wanted to know more.



So here are some of the arguments I’ve seen. Keep in mind I’m doing my best to synthesize, so if you’re in the anti-positive thinking camp, let me know if I’m missing the point.



1. Calls for a positive attitude are one way the dominant culture silences critics and those with opposing viewpoints. By asking me to have a positive attitude, you are refusing to acknowledge my experience and my suffering. I’m not allowed to speak my mind or share my experience without being labeled a negative person.



2. Positive thinking is not the solution to mental health issues. To the contrary, it’s part of the mental health crisis. It’s no longer okay to feel negative emotions like sadness, fear, isolation, hopelessness, or anger. If you feel those emotions, you’re not being positive, and that’s not okay.  The pressure to feel positive all the time is too much, and so when I don’t, I feel further devalued and unable to measure up.



3. Sharing positive thoughts is empty of meaning. It’s not doing the real work of challenging injustice or working to understand those who are oppressed or those who are suffering. Instead of sharing something “positive,” share something that demands justice or calls out oppressive forces. In other words, raise some hell to demand change. That’s doing something positive.



I think those are some really good reasons to push back against positive thinking, if you define and understand being positive in a certain way. I think there are some nuances to the idea of being positive that are important for the idea to work, otherwise it’s just a thought that we should all be happy all the time, and that’s just not helpful.



Here’s how I would respond to the three concerns about positive thinking.



1. Being positive doesn’t mean everyone has to be agreeable and have the same opinions. But it does mean we express our opinions in ways that are productive and helpful. In a school, leaders need to encourage productive conflict and invite critical dialogue. I want people around me to push my thinking and challenge my ideas. That’s how we get better. 



But I’m guessing…in some cases, leaders are silencing voices who are simply expressing a different viewpoint and using positive attitude as the reason. Either you agree with me or you obviously don’t have a positive attitude? It’s one or the other. That type of thinking is not effective.



2. Being positive doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. I think believing you should be happy all the time does result in complications to mental health. We need to feel all our feelings, the positive and negative ones. The truth is none of our feeling are truly negative. They’re not bad. They’re just feelings. They come and go. And as humans, all of them are legitimate. Being positive is the ability to experience the array of human emotions and respond to them in ways that are helpful. 



In response to every emotion, we have the choice in what we do with it. How do we hold that emotion in our mind and how do we think about it? Do we listen to what our emotions tell us and let them take us down whatever path they choose? Or, do we choose the path for our emotions? Do we point them in a direction we want them to go? We’re not repressing them or denying them. It’s important to fully acknowledge how we feel, but then choose to use that emotion as fuel to go in some positive direction in life. I’m going to use this pain or sorrow for good in this certain way.



Of course, this is always a process. There are times I do not handle my emotions in productive ways. And that results in strain on my relationships or sticky situations as a leader. I’ve often had to apologize for times I allowed my emotions to choose the path.



3. Sharing positive thoughts are empty of meaning if they are empty of meaning. But they don’t have to be. In fact, the person who can communicate difficult, hard truths in a positive way is a wise person. There is wisdom and strength in communicating a difficult message in a way that doesn’t offend or alienate. That’s making an effort to have dialogue and not a shouting match. I see no benefit to a shouting match. Neither side is really listening. Nothing productive is resulting from this exchange.



And yet, that is how most people seem to be handling conversations these days in regard to our most pressing issues. It’s evident all over social media. There is no dialogue. There is no civility. Each side hurls insults, snide remarks, insulting labels, and believes they have the moral high ground. Our way is the right way!!!



It makes me sad when I see educators fall into this same type of behavior. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed more destructive posts like this recently from educators. We have an obligation to set a good example for our students every day in our classrooms, and also on social media. We have an obligation to do our very best, all the time, to be respectful and positive with our words and actions.



At the same time, it’s never okay to silence an opposing viewpoint on the grounds that the person needs to be positive. It’s okay to ask someone to communicate respectfully. But it’s not okay to silence someone who disagrees.



Let me know your thoughts on all of this. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter. I always enjoy hearing from you.

Read More Is Positivity an Excuse for Silencing Opposing Viewpoints?





There’s been some push back recently on Twitter against the whole idea of positive attitude as a good thing. It gave me some things to think about, because in general, I’ve found a positive mindset to be a source of strength in my life. I’ve even written several posts about positive thinking, including this one:

10 Thoughts On Positive Attitude to Share With Your Team

A positive school is built on positive moments. It doesn’t just happen by accident. Every interaction counts. It takes a concerted effort on the part of everyone to create an environment that is awesome. So what are some things everyone should know to be more positive in their own mindset and help contribute to that positive environment we all want?

How could someone not be in favor of having a positive outlook? I was curious and a little puzzled by some of the responses I’ve seen to the idea of having a positive attitude. I wanted to know more.



So here are some of the arguments I’ve seen. Keep in mind I’m doing my best to synthesize, so if you’re in the anti-positive thinking camp, let me know if I’m missing the point.



1. Calls for a positive attitude are one way the dominant culture silences critics and those with opposing viewpoints. By asking me to have a positive attitude, you are refusing to acknowledge my experience and my suffering. I’m not allowed to speak my mind or share my experience without being labeled a negative person.



2. Positive thinking is not the solution to mental health issues. To the contrary, it’s part of the mental health crisis. It’s no longer okay to feel negative emotions like sadness, fear, isolation, hopelessness, or anger. If you feel those emotions, you’re not being positive, and that’s not okay.  The pressure to feel positive all the time is too much, and so when I don’t, I feel further devalued and unable to measure up.



3. Sharing positive thoughts is empty of meaning. It’s not doing the real work of challenging injustice or working to understand those who are oppressed or those who are suffering. Instead of sharing something “positive,” share something that demands justice or calls out oppressive forces. In other words, raise some hell to demand change. That’s doing something positive.



I think those are some really good reasons to push back against positive thinking, if you define and understand being positive in a certain way. I think there are some nuances to the idea of being positive that are important for the idea to work, otherwise it’s just a thought that we should all be happy all the time, and that’s just not helpful.



Here’s how I would respond to the three concerns about positive thinking.



1. Being positive doesn’t mean everyone has to be agreeable and have the same opinions. But it does mean we express our opinions in ways that are productive and helpful. In a school, leaders need to encourage productive conflict and invite critical dialogue. I want people around me to push my thinking and challenge my ideas. That’s how we get better. 



But I’m guessing…in some cases, leaders are silencing voices who are simply expressing a different viewpoint and using positive attitude as the reason. Either you agree with me or you obviously don’t have a positive attitude? It’s one or the other. That type of thinking is not effective.



2. Being positive doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. I think believing you should be happy all the time does result in complications to mental health. We need to feel all our feelings, the positive and negative ones. The truth is none of our feeling are truly negative. They’re not bad. They’re just feelings. They come and go. And as humans, all of them are legitimate. Being positive is the ability to experience the array of human emotions and respond to them in ways that are helpful. 



In response to every emotion, we have the choice in what we do with it. How do we hold that emotion in our mind and how do we think about it? Do we listen to what our emotions tell us and let them take us down whatever path they choose? Or, do we choose the path for our emotions? Do we point them in a direction we want them to go? We’re not repressing them or denying them. It’s important to fully acknowledge how we feel, but then choose to use that emotion as fuel to go in some positive direction in life. I’m going to use this pain or sorrow for good in this certain way.



Of course, this is always a process. There are times I do not handle my emotions in productive ways. And that results in strain on my relationships or sticky situations as a leader. I’ve often had to apologize for times I allowed my emotions to choose the path.



3. Sharing positive thoughts are empty of meaning if they are empty of meaning. But they don’t have to be. In fact, the person who can communicate difficult, hard truths in a positive way is a wise person. There is wisdom and strength in communicating a difficult message in a way that doesn’t offend or alienate. That’s making an effort to have dialogue and not a shouting match. I see no benefit to a shouting match. Neither side is really listening. Nothing productive is resulting from this exchange.



And yet, that is how most people seem to be handling conversations these days in regard to our most pressing issues. It’s evident all over social media. There is no dialogue. There is no civility. Each side hurls insults, snide remarks, insulting labels, and believes they have the moral high ground. Our way is the right way!!!



It makes me sad when I see educators fall into this same type of behavior. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed more destructive posts like this recently from educators. We have an obligation to set a good example for our students every day in our classrooms, and also on social media. We have an obligation to do our very best, all the time, to be respectful and positive with our words and actions.



At the same time, it’s never okay to silence an opposing viewpoint on the grounds that the person needs to be positive. It’s okay to ask someone to communicate respectfully. But it’s not okay to silence someone who disagrees.



Let me know your thoughts on all of this. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter. I always enjoy hearing from you.

      

Read More Is Positivity an Excuse for Silencing Opposing Viewpoints?





There’s been some push back recently on Twitter against the whole idea of positive attitude as a good thing. It gave me some things to think about, because in general, I’ve found a positive mindset to be a source of strength in my life. I’ve even written several posts about positive thinking, including this one:

10 Thoughts On Positive Attitude to Share With Your Team

A positive school is built on positive moments. It doesn’t just happen by accident. Every interaction counts. It takes a concerted effort on the part of everyone to create an environment that is awesome. So what are some things everyone should know to be more positive in their own mindset and help contribute to that positive environment we all want?

How could someone not be in favor of having a positive outlook? I was curious and a little puzzled by some of the responses I’ve seen to the idea of having a positive attitude. I wanted to know more.



So here are some of the arguments I’ve seen. Keep in mind I’m doing my best to synthesize, so if you’re in the anti-positive thinking camp, let me know if I’m missing the point.



1. Calls for a positive attitude are one way the dominant culture silences critics and those with opposing viewpoints. By asking me to have a positive attitude, you are refusing to acknowledge my experience and my suffering. I’m not allowed to speak my mind or share my experience without being labeled a negative person.



2. Positive thinking is not the solution to mental health issues. To the contrary, it’s part of the mental health crisis. It’s no longer okay to feel negative emotions like sadness, fear, isolation, hopelessness, or anger. If you feel those emotions, you’re not being positive, and that’s not okay.  The pressure to feel positive all the time is too much, and so when I don’t, I feel further devalued and unable to measure up.



3. Sharing positive thoughts is empty of meaning. It’s not doing the real work of challenging injustice or working to understand those who are oppressed or those who are suffering. Instead of sharing something “positive,” share something that demands justice or calls out oppressive forces. In other words, raise some hell to demand change. That’s doing something positive.



I think those are some really good reasons to push back against positive thinking, if you define and understand being positive in a certain way. I think there are some nuances to the idea of being positive that are important for the idea to work, otherwise it’s just a thought that we should all be happy all the time, and that’s just not helpful.



Here’s how I would respond to the three concerns about positive thinking.



1. Being positive doesn’t mean everyone has to be agreeable and have the same opinions. But it does mean we express our opinions in ways that are productive and helpful. In a school, leaders need to encourage productive conflict and invite critical dialogue. I want people around me to push my thinking and challenge my ideas. That’s how we get better. 



But I’m guessing…in some cases, leaders are silencing voices who are simply expressing a different viewpoint and using positive attitude as the reason. Either you agree with me or you obviously don’t have a positive attitude? It’s one or the other. That type of thinking is not effective.



2. Being positive doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. I think believing you should be happy all the time does result in complications to mental health. We need to feel all our feelings, the positive and negative ones. The truth is none of our feeling are truly negative. They’re not bad. They’re just feelings. They come and go. And as humans, all of them are legitimate. Being positive is the ability to experience the array of human emotions and respond to them in ways that are helpful. 



In response to every emotion, we have the choice in what we do with it. How do we hold that emotion in our mind and how do we think about it? Do we listen to what our emotions tell us and let them take us down whatever path they choose? Or, do we choose the path for our emotions? Do we point them in a direction we want them to go? We’re not repressing them or denying them. It’s important to fully acknowledge how we feel, but then choose to use that emotion as fuel to go in some positive direction in life. I’m going to use this pain or sorrow for good in this certain way.



Of course, this is always a process. There are times I do not handle my emotions in productive ways. And that results in strain on my relationships or sticky situations as a leader. I’ve often had to apologize for times I allowed my emotions to choose the path.



3. Sharing positive thoughts are empty of meaning if they are empty of meaning. But they don’t have to be. In fact, the person who can communicate difficult, hard truths in a positive way is a wise person. There is wisdom and strength in communicating a difficult message in a way that doesn’t offend or alienate. That’s making an effort to have dialogue and not a shouting match. I see no benefit to a shouting match. Neither side is really listening. Nothing productive is resulting from this exchange.



And yet, that is how most people seem to be handling conversations these days in regard to our most pressing issues. It’s evident all over social media. There is no dialogue. There is no civility. Each side hurls insults, snide remarks, insulting labels, and believes they have the moral high ground. Our way is the right way!!!



It makes me sad when I see educators fall into this same type of behavior. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed more destructive posts like this recently from educators. We have an obligation to set a good example for our students every day in our classrooms, and also on social media. We have an obligation to do our very best, all the time, to be respectful and positive with our words and actions.



At the same time, it’s never okay to silence an opposing viewpoint on the grounds that the person needs to be positive. It’s okay to ask someone to communicate respectfully. But it’s not okay to silence someone who disagrees.



Let me know your thoughts on all of this. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter. I always enjoy hearing from you.

      

Read More Is Positivity an Excuse for Silencing Opposing Viewpoints?



A substitute teacher in our building recently approached me about some problems she was having with student behavior. She detailed how she told the kids exactly what she expected and tried to enforce the rules, but they didn’t respond well at all.



I got the impression she was trying the stern teacher approach.



She told me about one student in particular. And as she shared, I could see her demeanor immediately shift.



She was really upset. Her body language and facial expression showed she was really frustrated. I would go so far to say she was having a miserable experience.



And so I felt really bad for her in that. I don’t want visitors to our building to ever have a bad experience. And being a substitute is not easy on a good day.



So I asked her a question, “Are you trying to enjoy the kids?”



She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I’m sure she was thinking how could I enjoy these kids when they’re acting out and being uncooperative?



“What do you mean?” she said.



“Well, I’ve just found that I get a much better result in working with students when I make it a point to enjoy being with them. They don’t always act just like I want, but I try to enjoy them anyway.”



“But I’m trying to get them to follow the rules and do the work,” she said.



“And that’s a good thing. We expect students to follow rules and be productive and use time wisely. They do need accountability for that. But how you hold them accountable can make a big difference.”



I encouraged her to leave some notes for the classroom teacher about the behavior problems, and asked her to give my advice a try the next time she had a chance.



A couple of weeks later she was back in the building, and she came rushing up to me. Her demeanor was completely different. She was smiling and full of energy.



“I tried what you said, and it worked so much better. It’s like I’m not putting as much pressure on myself and the students are doing better too. I feel so relieved,” she said.



I told her I was so happy to hear that, and I appreciated her giving my advice a try. I thanked her for sharing with me and for giving me an update.



The quickest way to change another person’s behavior is to change your behavior towards them. Kids are going to make mistakes. But if you make it a point to enjoy being with them, and treat them with great respect and care, there is almost no mistake you can’t correct. They’ll be far more open to your feedback when they feel that you like them and enjoy them.



What are your thoughts on this advice? Are you enjoying the kids? How can you show delight in them and keep the classroom energy positive and productive? I want to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter.

Read More Simple Advice: Enjoy the Kids



A substitute teacher in our building recently approached me about some problems she was having with student behavior. She detailed how she told the kids exactly what she expected and tried to enforce the rules, but they didn’t respond well at all.



I got the impression she was trying the stern teacher approach.



She told me about one student in particular. And as she shared, I could see her demeanor immediately shift.



She was really upset. Her body language and facial expression showed she was really frustrated. I would go so far to say she was having a miserable experience.



And so I felt really bad for her in that. I don’t want visitors to our building to ever have a bad experience. And being a substitute is not easy on a good day.



So I asked her a question, “Are you trying to enjoy the kids?”



She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I’m sure she was thinking how could I enjoy these kids when they’re acting out and being uncooperative?



“What do you mean?” she said.



“Well, I’ve just found that I get a much better result in working with students when I make it a point to enjoy being with them. They don’t always act just like I want, but I try to enjoy them anyway.”



“But I’m trying to get them to follow the rules and do the work,” she said.



“And that’s a good thing. We expect students to follow rules and be productive and use time wisely. They do need accountability for that. But how you hold them accountable can make a big difference.”



I encouraged her to leave some notes for the classroom teacher about the behavior problems, and asked her to give my advice a try the next time she had a chance.



A couple of weeks later she was back in the building, and she came rushing up to me. Her demeanor was completely different. She was smiling and full of energy.



“I tried what you said, and it worked so much better. It’s like I’m not putting as much pressure on myself and the students are doing better too. I feel so relieved,” she said.



I told her I was so happy to hear that, and I appreciated her giving my advice a try. I thanked her for sharing with me and for giving me an update.



The quickest way to change another person’s behavior is to change your behavior towards them. Kids are going to make mistakes. But if you make it a point to enjoy being with them, and treat them with great respect and care, there is almost no mistake you can’t correct. They’ll be far more open to your feedback when they feel that you like them and enjoy them.



What are your thoughts on this advice? Are you enjoying the kids? How can you show delight in them and keep the classroom energy positive and productive? I want to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter.

Read More Simple Advice: Enjoy the Kids



A substitute teacher in our building recently approached me about some problems she was having with student behavior. She detailed how she told the kids exactly what she expected and tried to enforce the rules, but they didn’t respond well at all.



I got the impression she was trying the stern teacher approach.



She told me about one student in particular. And as she shared, I could see her demeanor immediately shift.



She was really upset. Her body language and facial expression showed she was really frustrated. I would go so far to say she was having a miserable experience.



And so I felt really bad for her in that. I don’t want visitors to our building to ever have a bad experience. And being a substitute is not easy on a good day.



So I asked her a question, “Are you trying to enjoy the kids?”



She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I’m sure she was thinking how could I enjoy these kids when they’re acting out and being uncooperative?



“What do you mean?” she said.



“Well, I’ve just found that I get a much better result in working with students when I make it a point to enjoy being with them. They don’t always act just like I want, but I try to enjoy them anyway.”



“But I’m trying to get them to follow the rules and do the work,” she said.



“And that’s a good thing. We expect students to follow rules and be productive and use time wisely. They do need accountability for that. But how you hold them accountable can make a big difference.”



I encouraged her to leave some notes for the classroom teacher about the behavior problems, and asked her to give my advice a try the next time she had a chance.



A couple of weeks later she was back in the building, and she came rushing up to me. Her demeanor was completely different. She was smiling and full of energy.



“I tried what you said, and it worked so much better. It’s like I’m not putting as much pressure on myself and the students are doing better too. I feel so relieved,” she said.



I told her I was so happy to hear that, and I appreciated her giving my advice a try. I thanked her for sharing with me and for giving me an update.



The quickest way to change another person’s behavior is to change your behavior towards them. Kids are going to make mistakes. But if you make it a point to enjoy being with them, and treat them with great respect and care, there is almost no mistake you can’t correct. They’ll be far more open to your feedback when they feel that you like them and enjoy them.



What are your thoughts on this advice? Are you enjoying the kids? How can you show delight in them and keep the classroom energy positive and productive? I want to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter.

Read More Simple Advice: Enjoy the Kids



A substitute teacher in our building recently approached me about some problems she was having with student behavior. She detailed how she told the kids exactly what she expected and tried to enforce the rules, but they didn’t respond well at all.



I got the impression she was trying the stern teacher approach.



She told me about one student in particular. And as she shared, I could see her demeanor immediately shift.



She was really upset. Her body language and facial expression showed she was really frustrated. I would go so far to say she was having a miserable experience.



And so I felt really bad for her in that. I don’t want visitors to our building to ever have a bad experience. And being a substitute is not easy on a good day.



So I asked her a question, “Are you trying to enjoy the kids?”



She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I’m sure she was thinking how could I enjoy these kids when they’re acting out and being uncooperative?



“What do you mean?” she said.



“Well, I’ve just found that I get a much better result in working with students when I make it a point to enjoy being with them. They don’t always act just like I want, but I try to enjoy them anyway.”



“But I’m trying to get them to follow the rules and do the work,” she said.



“And that’s a good thing. We expect students to follow rules and be productive and use time wisely. They do need accountability for that. But how you hold them accountable can make a big difference.”



I encouraged her to leave some notes for the classroom teacher about the behavior problems, and asked her to give my advice a try the next time she had a chance.



A couple of weeks later she was back in the building, and she came rushing up to me. Her demeanor was completely different. She was smiling and full of energy.



“I tried what you said, and it worked so much better. It’s like I’m not putting as much pressure on myself and the students are doing better too. I feel so relieved,” she said.



I told her I was so happy to hear that, and I appreciated her giving my advice a try. I thanked her for sharing with me and for giving me an update.



The quickest way to change another person’s behavior is to change your behavior towards them. Kids are going to make mistakes. But if you make it a point to enjoy being with them, and treat them with great respect and care, there is almost no mistake you can’t correct. They’ll be far more open to your feedback when they feel that you like them and enjoy them.



What are your thoughts on this advice? Are you enjoying the kids? How can you show delight in them and keep the classroom energy positive and productive? I want to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter.

      

Read More Simple Advice: Enjoy the Kids



A substitute teacher in our building recently approached me about some problems she was having with student behavior. She detailed how she told the kids exactly what she expected and tried to enforce the rules, but they didn’t respond well at all.



I got the impression she was trying the stern teacher approach.



She told me about one student in particular. And as she shared, I could see her demeanor immediately shift.



She was really upset. Her body language and facial expression showed she was really frustrated. I would go so far to say she was having a miserable experience.



And so I felt really bad for her in that. I don’t want visitors to our building to ever have a bad experience. And being a substitute is not easy on a good day.



So I asked her a question, “Are you trying to enjoy the kids?”



She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I’m sure she was thinking how could I enjoy these kids when they’re acting out and being uncooperative?



“What do you mean?” she said.



“Well, I’ve just found that I get a much better result in working with students when I make it a point to enjoy being with them. They don’t always act just like I want, but I try to enjoy them anyway.”



“But I’m trying to get them to follow the rules and do the work,” she said.



“And that’s a good thing. We expect students to follow rules and be productive and use time wisely. They do need accountability for that. But how you hold them accountable can make a big difference.”



I encouraged her to leave some notes for the classroom teacher about the behavior problems, and asked her to give my advice a try the next time she had a chance.



A couple of weeks later she was back in the building, and she came rushing up to me. Her demeanor was completely different. She was smiling and full of energy.



“I tried what you said, and it worked so much better. It’s like I’m not putting as much pressure on myself and the students are doing better too. I feel so relieved,” she said.



I told her I was so happy to hear that, and I appreciated her giving my advice a try. I thanked her for sharing with me and for giving me an update.



The quickest way to change another person’s behavior is to change your behavior towards them. Kids are going to make mistakes. But if you make it a point to enjoy being with them, and treat them with great respect and care, there is almost no mistake you can’t correct. They’ll be far more open to your feedback when they feel that you like them and enjoy them.



What are your thoughts on this advice? Are you enjoying the kids? How can you show delight in them and keep the classroom energy positive and productive? I want to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter.

      

Read More Simple Advice: Enjoy the Kids

Recently, Rachel Simmons wrote an article in the Washington Post called Perfectionism among teens is rampant (and we’re not helping). It is a good reminder how this generation of students faces challenges and opportunities different than ones we faced at their ages — sometimes with stress that we’ve created for them. Students today have never known […]

Read More PMP:104 Messaging with Students — Environment, Celebration, and Communication



Someone else’s experience is different from mine. 



It seems obvious doesn’t it? But I think it’s one of the most important things to come to terms with in developing empathy. It’s important to recognize another person’s experience is different than mine and then honor that experience and try to understand it.



That’s empathy. It’s the emotional skill of being able to recognize, understand, and honor the feelings of another person.



I have to admit, sometimes I struggle to understand another person’s experience. It seems so obvious to me how they should respond or how they should feel in a given situation. If I’m not careful, I start feeling the need to convince them why they should feel more like I do about this thing. My sweet wife will confirm this I promise!



But that’s not helpful. Every person has every right to every one of their feelings. They belong to that person. And that’s okay. 

I’ve learned better how to respond when I have those thoughts, when I’m tempted to expect others to see it my way, right away. In the past, I felt frustrated and even angry if a student or colleague (or my wife or kids) was being unreasonable in my view, if they didn’t see it my way, if they didn’t feel the same as me. 



It’s so important to keep healthy emotional boundaries. I’m not going to let your (emotional) stuff bump into my (emotional) stuff.

Instead of responding with anger or frustration, I’ve learned to try to respond with curiosity. Rather than being upset by someone else’s feelings, I respond with curiosity and puzzlement. Hm? I wonder what this person is experiencing right now or what this person has experienced in the past that makes them feel this way? I’m curious. I want to understand.



And that creates the safety for dialogue. It keeps safety in the conversation. And it requires me to listen. When I’m curious, I want to know more. I want to understand how this person is experiencing this. I remind myself that my feelings are still mine. I can feel a certain way while honoring another person’s feelings too. It helps me to show up well in the situation and work toward win-win solutions.



When we honor the other person’s experience, it opens paths for shared understanding. Most of us want to be understood. In fact, one of the things that bumps into me more than just about anything else is feeling misunderstood. I’m sure many of you can relate to that.



Some people (mainly guys) might see all of this as soft or weak, but it’s not. It’s actually being a much stronger person. You are stronger when you have your emotional abilities in hand. Weak people fly off the handle and act like toddlers when they don’t get their way. Strong people don’t feel threatened easily by someone’s differences. There is great strength in accepting differences.



But of course, it’s still completely appropriate and beneficial to call out bad behavior. We must hold people accountable when they act badly. Empathy is not being tolerant of bad behavior. But it is being tolerant of another person’s experiences and feelings. It’s addressing the behavior in a way that tries to understand what the behavior is communicating, because all behavior is communication.



Empathy helps us think about the needs of others, and ultimately when we do this we are much more likely to have our needs met too. We’re more likely to have authentic conversations that lead to better decisions. We’re also more likely to feel heard when we are able to have honest conversations that keep empathy at the center. 



So clearly I value empathy. Why is it so important? Here are 9 reasons for educators.



1. Empathy leads to kindness. It fosters acceptance and understanding. Empathy lifts up others. It meets needs. It believes the best about others.



2. Empathy brings people together in community. It helps us to connect in spite of our differences, no matter what our differences.



3. Empathy results in better lesson plans. It seeks to understand how students learn this best, how they are experiencing learning. It values them as learners. 



4. Empathy results in better discipline plans. Empathy is not punitive, it’s corrective and supportive. It seeks to understand and prevent the causes of poor behavior. It is essential to resolving conflict.



5. Empathy improves teamwork. Effective teams are build on trust and togetherness. Empathy allows for constructive conflict.



6. Empathy improves problem-solving. It opens us to new possibilities and it considers the end-user and how solutions will impact others.



7. Empathy improves performance. Performance is stronger when people value risk taking and accept failure as an opportunity to learn. Empathy provides the safety for that to flourish.



8. Empathy builds stronger relationships. Most people want to be liked, to have more friends, to have people we can really count on. Empathy is essential to developing stronger bonds between people.



9. Empathy can reduce anxiety and depression. When people feel heard, feel understood, and feel supported, it can help ease anxiety and depression. Depression for teens, especially has been on the rise. I wonder how a culture of empathy might ease this in our schools.



I want to hear from you. Why is empathy important to you and what are you doing to cultivate it in your classroom or school? Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter.



Note: Header Image Retrieved https://www.pinterest.com/hattieshortie/english-to-kill-a-mockingbird/

Read More What Is Empathy? And Why Is It So Important?



Someone else’s experience is different from mine. 



It seems obvious doesn’t it? But I think it’s one of the most important things to come to terms with in developing empathy. It’s important to recognize another person’s experience is different than mine and then honor that experience and try to understand it.



That’s empathy. It’s the emotional skill of being able to recognize, understand, and honor the feelings of another person.



I have to admit, sometimes I struggle to understand another person’s experience. It seems so obvious to me how they should respond or how they should feel in a given situation. If I’m not careful, I start feeling the need to convince them why they should feel more like I do about this thing. My sweet wife will confirm this I promise!



But that’s not helpful. Every person has every right to every one of their feelings. They belong to that person. And that’s okay. 

I’ve learned better how to respond when I have those thoughts, when I’m tempted to expect others to see it my way, right away. In the past, I felt frustrated and even angry if a student or colleague (or my wife or kids) was being unreasonable in my view, if they didn’t see it my way, if they didn’t feel the same as me. 



It’s so important to keep healthy emotional boundaries. I’m not going to let your (emotional) stuff bump into my (emotional) stuff.

Instead of responding with anger or frustration, I’ve learned to try to respond with curiosity. Rather than being upset by someone else’s feelings, I respond with curiosity and puzzlement. Hm? I wonder what this person is experiencing right now or what this person has experienced in the past that makes them feel this way? I’m curious. I want to understand.



And that creates the safety for dialogue. It keeps safety in the conversation. And it requires me to listen. When I’m curious, I want to know more. I want to understand how this person is experiencing this. I remind myself that my feelings are still mine. I can feel a certain way while honoring another person’s feelings too. It helps me to show up well in the situation and work toward win-win solutions.



When we honor the other person’s experience, it opens paths for shared understanding. Most of us want to be understood. In fact, one of the things that bumps into me more than just about anything else is feeling misunderstood. I’m sure many of you can relate to that.



Some people (mainly guys) might see all of this as soft or weak, but it’s not. It’s actually being a much stronger person. You are stronger when you have your emotional abilities in hand. Weak people fly off the handle and act like toddlers when they don’t get their way. Strong people don’t feel threatened easily by someone’s differences. There is great strength in accepting differences.



But of course, it’s still completely appropriate and beneficial to call out bad behavior. We must hold people accountable when they act badly. Empathy is not being tolerant of bad behavior. But it is being tolerant of another person’s experiences and feelings. It’s addressing the behavior in a way that tries to understand what the behavior is communicating, because all behavior is communication.



Empathy helps us think about the needs of others, and ultimately when we do this we are much more likely to have our needs met too. We’re more likely to have authentic conversations that lead to better decisions. We’re also more likely to feel heard when we are able to have honest conversations that keep empathy at the center. 



So clearly I value empathy. Why is it so important? Here are 9 reasons for educators.



1. Empathy leads to kindness. It fosters acceptance and understanding. Empathy lifts up others. It meets needs. It believes the best about others.



2. Empathy brings people together in community. It helps us to connect in spite of our differences, no matter what our differences.



3. Empathy results in better lesson plans. It seeks to understand how students learn this best, how they are experiencing learning. It values them as learners. 



4. Empathy results in better discipline plans. Empathy is not punitive, it’s corrective and supportive. It seeks to understand and prevent the causes of poor behavior. It is essential to resolving conflict.



5. Empathy improves teamwork. Effective teams are build on trust and togetherness. Empathy allows for constructive conflict.



6. Empathy improves problem-solving. It opens us to new possibilities and it considers the end-user and how solutions will impact others.



7. Empathy improves performance. Performance is stronger when people value risk taking and accept failure as an opportunity to learn. Empathy provides the safety for that to flourish.



8. Empathy builds stronger relationships. Most people want to be liked, to have more friends, to have people we can really count on. Empathy is essential to developing stronger bonds between people.



9. Empathy can reduce anxiety and depression. When people feel heard, feel understood, and feel supported, it can help ease anxiety and depression. Depression for teens, especially has been on the rise. I wonder how a culture of empathy might ease this in our schools.



I want to hear from you. Why is empathy important to you and what are you doing to cultivate it in your classroom or school? Leave a comment below or respond on Facebook or Twitter.



Note: Header Image Retrieved https://www.pinterest.com/hattieshortie/english-to-kill-a-mockingbird/

Read More What Is Empathy? And Why Is It So Important?

This summer my wife and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. For some reason, I’ve never thought of myself as older, but I realize now that I’m preparing for this anniversary, my children may categorize me that way. My wife, however, will forever be my young bride. This reminds me of a story: An […]

Read More PMP:101 Strategies for Messaging with Teachers

This summer my wife and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. For some reason, I’ve never thought of myself as older, but I realize now that I’m preparing for this anniversary, my children may categorize me that way. My wife, however, will forever be my young bride. This reminds me of a story: An […]

Read More PMP:101 Strategies for Messaging with Teachers